We are not Hearbroken. We are Heartfilled.

I have come to far to give up now. Thoughts rule this world. Control your thoughts, control your world. I am only heartbroken if I say I am. I am only ugly if I choose to be. You are beautiful, you are wonderful, you are godly.

~From silky water, a goddess adorned in silver extended her arm with stars in her eyes. Her hand unfolded like a blossoming rose and in it she held my heart of gold. “No matter how hard the flesh may grow give not your heart to wanted eyes. As the gold shimmered in vibrations congruent with my breathing the waters in which we stood trembled. Oaks as tall as mountains shielded their eyes and rocks turned to dust. “Love is the strongest magic we have in this world. Use it wisely or be destroyed by its allure.” ~

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As I Grow Old

To feel imperfection is to be alive. I am faulted. Each day I see a new wrinkle. I trace the receding nature of my hair. I experience the click clack of my knees. I am no longer a child. I see the elderly and do not laugh, I wonder…Who were they then? At what age did sickness and health meet?

I watched (which felt like forever) an elderly man and woman walk
hand-in-hand down the sidewalk. Their pace was painstakingly slow yet unbearable beautiful. Imagine just imagine, once upon a time they ran, ran down sidewalks and skipped across streets – a speed as a child I envied to reach. Long legs. Reassured direction. Knowledge of symbols on poles. No parents.

I envied the older. Now I envy the old. Every tinge I feel, I think to myself this is it. Every night from work before I place my head, I stretch my back. The labor of the day has stiffened its length. In between shifts I stop at the mirror and stare, one day it will not be toothpaste but Poligrip.

This may sound like Hell. I call it beautiful madness. Some wish for cars and mansions, I yearn to grow old. I hope to wake and sit at the edge of the bed to catch my breath. I got up too fast. My heart is racing. I’m sweating like hell! I wish to walk up flights of stairs and stop on the third step as I hold up the line. I’ll smirk at their impatience. I wish to sit in parks all day, barely moving, as the kids ask if I’m alive. I am, just admiring the landscape. I want to go to Church with sunglasses as I nod in and out of sleep – an hour is just too damn long!

I wish for life in my staggered breath. I wish for patience in my “hard a hearing” ears. I wish for wisdom in my speech. I wish for grandchildren that take delight in me telling the same story over and over.

I think today I’ll walk a little slower. Maybe I’ll name my wrinkles. And instead of calling myself faulted and aged, I’ll say congratulations you made it another day.

My Gays Put Your Clothes On

Found this piece in my archive. I must have seen something on Instagram or Facebook that upset me…

 

My Gays put your clothes on

Your body is your temple, a gift from above. You do not need to expose it to show it exists.  Your body is for your bedroom not social media.  It is becomes unduly disappointing to see so many fight, argue, and lose their lives to ensure our equality and watch it be squandered in half-naked pictures. Your pictures do not exude sexiness – it presents insecurity.

 

My Gays put your clothes on

Instead of uncovering your body let’s try unraveling your minds; peel off the shirt of superficiality, drag down the pants of starched sexualities, and kick off your boots. You are here and no one is going to take you away. The fierceness you try to portray in pictures, can you use it in a sentence?? Can you hold a conversation and convince the world why you should have rights? Can you stand tall and say I do!?

 

My Gays put your clothes on

We no longer have to settle for the gay next door. There are gays around the world. Gays go to school, Gays run companies, Gays write books, Gays teach classes, and yes Gays are even priests. You can close a 250 million dollar deal and still be fabulous. No one is telling you to put down the bowties or destroy your Cher records.

My Gays put your clothes on

I Use to Pick Up the Pieces. Now I Lay Them Down

I am known to play on all edges of life except the one of love. I have always been so careful in this matter. For I guess I knew my love was stubborn, that I do not forget easily. That within an instant passion could rise and remind me of what was or what could have been. I use to pick up the pieces. Now I lay them down. I spread them on construction paper and piece together a story for onlookers. Read and learn. Taste and feel. This is my story, this is your story, this is our story.

 I hang yarn with shards of glass to dangle from the ceiling

I give freedom to mice to roam drawers of darkness

The keyhole is jammed with blistered candy

The TV is a loop of memories to come

Barbwire is the bed frame that foundations a sea of hot blankets

As the door closes it opens, hinges do not live here

Ghosts do not dwell

Pain cries to his mother, Love

Love cries to her father, Time

Time cries to his God, Time

There are no numbers, there are no hands

There is only

Within the skeleton hangs closets; pretty and colorful but made of material less than human.

Affection Affection Affection

—————–

There is immense symbolism in this video and her words are powerful and true. Sometimes we lose ourselves in the pursuit of loving another when we should be finding ourselves and them – mutually and lovingly.

Wrecking Ball
We clawed, we chained, our hearts in vain
We jumped, never asking why
We kissed, I fell under your spell
A love no one could deny

Don’t you ever say I just walked away
I will always want you
I can’t live a lie, running for my life
I will always want you

I came in like a wrecking ball
I never hit so hard in love
All I wanted was to break your walls
All you ever did was break me
Yeah you, you wreck me

I put you high up in the sky
And now, you’re not coming down
It slowly turned, you let me burn
And now, we’re ashes on the ground

Don’t you ever say I just walked away
I will always want you
I can’t live a lie, running for my life
I will always want you

I came in like a wrecking ball
I never hit so hard in love
All I wanted was to break your walls
All you ever did was break me
I came in like a wrecking ball
Yeah, I just closed my eyes and swung
Left me crashing in a blazing fall
All you ever did was break me
Yeah you, you wreck me

I never meant to start a war
I just wanted you to let me in
And instead of using force
I guess I should’ve let you win
I never meant to start a war
I just wanted you to let me in
I guess I should’ve let you win

Don’t you ever say I just walked away
I will always want you

I came in like a wrecking ball
I never hit so hard in love
All I wanted was to break your walls
All you ever did was break me
I came in like a wrecking ball
Yeah, I just closed my eyes and swung
Left me crashing in a blazing fall
All you ever did was break me
Yeah you, you wreck me
Yeah you, you wreck me