I Use to Pick Up the Pieces. Now I Lay Them Down

I am known to play on all edges of life except the one of love. I have always been so careful in this matter. For I guess I knew my love was stubborn, that I do not forget easily. That within an instant passion could rise and remind me of what was or what could have been. I use to pick up the pieces. Now I lay them down. I spread them on construction paper and piece together a story for onlookers. Read and learn. Taste and feel. This is my story, this is your story, this is our story.

 I hang yarn with shards of glass to dangle from the ceiling

I give freedom to mice to roam drawers of darkness

The keyhole is jammed with blistered candy

The TV is a loop of memories to come

Barbwire is the bed frame that foundations a sea of hot blankets

As the door closes it opens, hinges do not live here

Ghosts do not dwell

Pain cries to his mother, Love

Love cries to her father, Time

Time cries to his God, Time

There are no numbers, there are no hands

There is only

Within the skeleton hangs closets; pretty and colorful but made of material less than human.

Affection Affection Affection

—————–

There is immense symbolism in this video and her words are powerful and true. Sometimes we lose ourselves in the pursuit of loving another when we should be finding ourselves and them – mutually and lovingly.

Wrecking Ball
We clawed, we chained, our hearts in vain
We jumped, never asking why
We kissed, I fell under your spell
A love no one could deny

Don’t you ever say I just walked away
I will always want you
I can’t live a lie, running for my life
I will always want you

I came in like a wrecking ball
I never hit so hard in love
All I wanted was to break your walls
All you ever did was break me
Yeah you, you wreck me

I put you high up in the sky
And now, you’re not coming down
It slowly turned, you let me burn
And now, we’re ashes on the ground

Don’t you ever say I just walked away
I will always want you
I can’t live a lie, running for my life
I will always want you

I came in like a wrecking ball
I never hit so hard in love
All I wanted was to break your walls
All you ever did was break me
I came in like a wrecking ball
Yeah, I just closed my eyes and swung
Left me crashing in a blazing fall
All you ever did was break me
Yeah you, you wreck me

I never meant to start a war
I just wanted you to let me in
And instead of using force
I guess I should’ve let you win
I never meant to start a war
I just wanted you to let me in
I guess I should’ve let you win

Don’t you ever say I just walked away
I will always want you

I came in like a wrecking ball
I never hit so hard in love
All I wanted was to break your walls
All you ever did was break me
I came in like a wrecking ball
Yeah, I just closed my eyes and swung
Left me crashing in a blazing fall
All you ever did was break me
Yeah you, you wreck me
Yeah you, you wreck me

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No Thoughts, No words, Just Wonderment.

 

There is something about sitting down and opening your eyes. Not just any ole type of open, but allowing the world to seep in. No thoughts, No words, Just wonderment.  How…HOW do I pass all this magic every day?

I have an immediate need for gratification, what can I say I’m a New Yorker! I want everything now and I want it fast!  I have a need to control time for I was led to believe it is against me.  I am 23 years old and I am not the President of the world or acquired my first platinum album – I am behind, I’m going to die any day now for age has caught me by the neck! I should be a millionaire by now, I should be coupled up and making moves towards a house and marriage. The thoughts were driving me insane. And then to top it off everyone was telling me that I should be a lawyer, a doctor, a politician, a professor, a this, a that. After a while it takes a toll on you. Am I wasting my intelligence? Am I choosing the right career? Should I have a significant other by now?  No wonder I have an immediate gratification “complex.” How the heck do you expect me to decide where I want to live, who I want to be, how much money I want to make, where I want to get married and how I want to impact the world at 17 years old?! I did not even know who I was!! And now I’m 23 and I still do not know who I am.

AND that is ok— the first step.

It is ok if I do not know what I want to be. It is ok if I do not have a significant other. It is ok if I do not know where I want to live or exactly how I want to impact the world. Did you know at 23? All I know is that I want to be happy. I want to love and be loved. I want to laugh, eat, and dance! Oh boy do I love to dance. I want to sing with my brothers, dance with my mother, and lie next to my father and dream!

 I have taken a vow to slow down – the second step.

The days pass us by so fast because we walk inside our heads.  I dare you to walk across the parking lot open your eyes and look at the trees; listen to nature’s instruments. Make a cup of coffee and just take in the scent and look at the swirling colors in the mug – let life fill you with its joy – the third step. When I do this my heart rate de-accelerates, my paining thoughts are diminished (almost non-existent), my body becomes calm, and my spirit swirls. Suddenly and miraculously I realize I have all the time in the world, that where I am now is where I am meant to be. Time is an ally. The man/woman that cut me off is not important. Life is beautiful.