What is the meaning of this “thing” called love? How am I supposed to know what it is? Is it that important? Does anyone else get tired of searching for this mysterious and elusive entity?
It is hard enough finding friends that are gay, so how the heck do you expect me to find a lover – a husband?! Everyone is operating under a veil. “My people” are too afraid to uncover their lovely faces. Honestly, sometimes it feels like I am an alien lurking in the shadows looking for my fellow comrades. If you’re non-heterosexual you know how it goes. You pass a person and you get a vibe, a surge. Then comes the stare, the prolonged glance…yet not too prolonged. You continue to throw glances but no one is brave or sure enough the other person is a part of the esoteric society. And the last thing you want to do is ask someone if they are gay. It is not the rejection that hurts but the stare they give you now they know your secret or the fear they may lash out in anger and insult. So instead you go home and continue to guess and wonder for the rest of your days – Is he/she the one that got away?
Now, let’s just say I find him, you know the guy. What are we suppose to do? It is not like I can turn on the TV and be showed through comedy, drama, or horror this is what the male does and this is what the female does. Am I supposed to cook and if I do cook, does it make me the girl? What if I want to mow the lawn and cook, who am I now? Do I rub his feet and bring him tea in the morning? Who opens the door for the other? Do I put my hands on his shoulder when we dance or do I rest it on his waist? Gahhhhhh! Can someone show me the way? Do men cry and hold each other when they are in pain? And if they do, are they still men?
Why wasn’t there a book I could read growing up or a silly cartoon with two dads I could watch Saturday morning while crunching on Cheerios? Instead I’ll just…I’ll just see what happens. I’ll tell him “I’m cooking, but don’t think that makes me the woman” or “You can open the door for me this time, but next time I’ll do it so we can both feel masculine.”
I wonder what lesbians think, I’m sure they have similar reservations.
In any case, whatever man I end up with, he will understand whether I cook, change diapers, mow the lawn, or beat up the guy next door for staring at him, I am neither male or female I am just me. Plus it is 2013 screw gender roles! Women are executing tasks that has been deemed a “Man’s Job,” and they are doing it better. And let’s give credit to the guys too; some men are better cooks and diaper changers than women on their best day!
Anyway, it is time to get dressed and run amuck!