No Thoughts, No words, Just Wonderment.

 

There is something about sitting down and opening your eyes. Not just any ole type of open, but allowing the world to seep in. No thoughts, No words, Just wonderment.  How…HOW do I pass all this magic every day?

I have an immediate need for gratification, what can I say I’m a New Yorker! I want everything now and I want it fast!  I have a need to control time for I was led to believe it is against me.  I am 23 years old and I am not the President of the world or acquired my first platinum album – I am behind, I’m going to die any day now for age has caught me by the neck! I should be a millionaire by now, I should be coupled up and making moves towards a house and marriage. The thoughts were driving me insane. And then to top it off everyone was telling me that I should be a lawyer, a doctor, a politician, a professor, a this, a that. After a while it takes a toll on you. Am I wasting my intelligence? Am I choosing the right career? Should I have a significant other by now?  No wonder I have an immediate gratification “complex.” How the heck do you expect me to decide where I want to live, who I want to be, how much money I want to make, where I want to get married and how I want to impact the world at 17 years old?! I did not even know who I was!! And now I’m 23 and I still do not know who I am.

AND that is ok— the first step.

It is ok if I do not know what I want to be. It is ok if I do not have a significant other. It is ok if I do not know where I want to live or exactly how I want to impact the world. Did you know at 23? All I know is that I want to be happy. I want to love and be loved. I want to laugh, eat, and dance! Oh boy do I love to dance. I want to sing with my brothers, dance with my mother, and lie next to my father and dream!

 I have taken a vow to slow down – the second step.

The days pass us by so fast because we walk inside our heads.  I dare you to walk across the parking lot open your eyes and look at the trees; listen to nature’s instruments. Make a cup of coffee and just take in the scent and look at the swirling colors in the mug – let life fill you with its joy – the third step. When I do this my heart rate de-accelerates, my paining thoughts are diminished (almost non-existent), my body becomes calm, and my spirit swirls. Suddenly and miraculously I realize I have all the time in the world, that where I am now is where I am meant to be. Time is an ally. The man/woman that cut me off is not important. Life is beautiful.  

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4 thoughts on “No Thoughts, No words, Just Wonderment.

  1. I love that you are finding peace and joy in small beauties! Nature is rejuvenating. & immersing yourself in the now. I forget to do this myself and can spend all evening in my mind. The ability to reminisce about the past and think of the distant future is humanity’s double-edged sword…but I would never choose to live without it, just lay it down temporarily. 🙂

    • I must agree, nature is wonderfully rejuvenating – I cannot get enough some days. Yes! The ability to think is both a gift and a burden, but as we all know, too much of anything is never good. I am glad you are taking time to connect with your surroundings, there is hope for our world lol.

  2. Such a beautiful post. At 23 I was constantly worrying/comparing myself to peers, wondering if I should be doing more with my life. I am 29 and I’m going to be honest, the anxiety of wondering whether or not I will reach all my goals can still eat away at me some days, but then I catch myself….I have noticed as I have gotten older, I catch myself and realize that I can change my thoughts/outlook in an instant. I have so many blessings to count and I realize we can never compare ourselves because we are such DEEPLY complex multidimensional human beings on our own unique journeys. I will catch myself worrying about something and then think “I was a BABY at one point, who I am right now is so much more temporary than I think….this is going to pass, so stay present: enjoy.” When I wake up in the morning I think “I could die today, this could be my last day” I know a lot of people might find that morbid, but it really brings me into the moment and makes me enjoy Everything.

    • Morbid, yes but a truth we must all understand. We are not promised tomorrow, so why waste our time being anxious and wondering when – we can do! I do not think the “wondering” will ever stop, but I do hope it will not be so sad and draining but more joyous and understanding. I agree, it makes no sense to compare ourselves to others we are all on separate journeys with individual missions. Let’s live in the moment and be merry in it!

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