I Lost Myself in Love…or Something Like it.

I do not even know where to begin so I’ll jump in where my fingers and mind lead me.

He locked me in a room. 

Our entire relationship was between four walls; walls of despair and bereavement.   He told me things I dare not (at the time) tell my family or friends.  There were days he liked me and days he did not.  Moments he loved my body and moments he loathed it.  Nights our bodies laid next to each other like strangers at a bus stop – but still I cared. Why didn’t I leave, why did I stay? I felt horrid, ugly, and decrepit. I started to die, I compromised my very soul.  And because of this neglect my body, spirit, and mind took a large blow that would change my life forever.

 I kept the relationship private because that is what he wanted, I honored his request. I told no one the stories of our love… or lust. Now, I realize that he did not want privacy; he was trying to protect something he thought was integrity. He liked men but told himself he did not. He wanted men (and even me) but told himself that was impossible. I knew he was confused, I knew he was lost, but I thought he would grow to love me. That I would pull him out his pit of internal conflict and our love would be triumphant- such was not the case.

 

That is all I can muster to write, for now.

 

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3 thoughts on “I Lost Myself in Love…or Something Like it.

  1. Hi… again… I read this and I have to say I loved it. Even though you don’t delve into great details of this relationship, I can tell that this person – at one time or another- meant a great deal to you. I also found it sort of poetic if you know what I mean. It was just a nice emotional thing to read. Thanks 😉

    • You are completely right, they did mean a great deal to me at one point, and they still have a special place. I will delve into the relationships more in later posts. Funny thing you caught on, this was originally a poem. lol Thanks for the comment!

      • Oh, you’re right that is funny lol And I could tell how much this person meant to you because you put your heart and soul into this post. I’ll look forward to reading your future posts. 😉

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